Heero is not Toast!!!!!!!!
and this is why
welcome to H.I.N.T version 2.0. instructions: read the following and make sure you don't miss any. rules: if you still think heero is toast when you are done, you are a certified moron and we need to talk. PS: even if you are smart like me and stuff, and KNOW heero is not toast, read this anyway for the damn cute chibis. fool. =D
begin!
I'll
kill you!
This is Heero Yuy, the perfect Soldier.
...[sizzle]
This is toast.
Now this
is why Heero is not toast.
.DEATH.
Heero
doesn't die. You can blow him up,
and drown him, and shoot him, and he will not die. Maybe if Relena kissed
him he would die...but if Relena kissed toast, toast would live so Heero
is still not toast.
Toast
dies when you eat it. It also dies
when you burn it and when it falls to the floor [because then you throw
it away]. Heero doesn't die when he's burnt or dropped on the floor. He
might die if you tried to eat him but this is still in experimental stages.
It's probably not a good idea to try and eat Heero.
.ABILITIES.
Heero
can shoot people and pilot a mobile suit that flaps. He can also run, jump high, and not die [see above]. Heero is a very special boy with a doctor who has a letter and everything. He even has annoying bitches stalking him and reading his mail. And Heero can bend metal. CAN TOAST?
Toast
can sit on a plate or burn up in the toaster. If you put it in the oven it might burn quicker. If you managed to put Heero in the oven, he would burn and turn black like toast but he wouldn't die like toast would [see above]. Toast would also not kill you for putting it in the oven. If you managed to get Heero in a toaster, he would kill you also, as toast would not.
.FRIENDS.
Heero
has a lot of friends. Duo is his friend, and so is Quatre. If Trowa ever talked he'd be Heero's friend. If Wufei ever stopped being sexist he'd be Heero's friend. If Relena wasn't so busy staring at the place where Heero's legs join to his body she might be his friend. Zechs is not Heero's friend. Neither is Trieze. Sometimes Duo is not Heero's friend, but that's only when Heero steals Duo's Gundam's parts. Quatre is not Heero's friend when he is utterly crazy and blowing up colonies in Heero's Gundam. But otherwise they are good friends.
Toast
has no friends. You just eat it and if not it goes stale. No one loves toast. Maybe if you feel sorry for it you put butter on it before you eat it but you are not it's friend.
.CLOTHES.
Heero
wears clothes. Sometimes he wears tight spandex and boots. Sometimes he wear pants. He always wears a muscle shirt to show off his chest as much as he can without doing a striptease. Sometimes he only wears bandages. He IS naked when showering - but have we EVER seen Heero take a shower?
NO!
...I didn't say that was a good thing...
Toast
NEVER has been seen wearing spandex. Doesn't like to show off it's chest. Its always naked. Heero is not always naked. I'm not saying this is a good thing, but it is true. Sometimes toast is seen wearing Butter, Margarine, Jelly, Jam and Cream Cheese. Heero never wears these things. If you put butter on Heero he'd shoot you. Unless maybe you are Duo.
WANNA FIGHT?
Submit your questions and concerns about Heero being toast and I will DISPROVE YOU!
Q: Yamato, once my toast made my
toaster catch on fire. Heero often causes things to catch on fire. Is my
toast Heero?
A: No, your toast is not Heero.
Heero sets things on fire because he likes death. Toast is flammable. Heero
is not flammable. If you set him on fire he might get mad, but he would
not die or burn because he is not toast.
Q: My toast has brown hair. Is it
Heero?
A: No, its not Heero. It might be
Duo or Trowa?
Q: The other day, my toast was seen
flying Wing Zero, AND shooting people. Is it Heero?
A: ...Next!
Q: My toast wears a pink shirt, purple
vest, likes peace AND has YELLOW HAIR!! TAKE THAT! IT'S HEERO!
A: Have you ever WATCHED Gundam
Wing? Don't you know ANYTHING?! Your toast is not Heero, moron!! It's Dorothy!!
IDIOT! Next.
Q: My toast is Heero.
A: No, it's not.
Q: Yes, it IS!!
A: [sound of toast being eaten]
Not anymore.
Q: BASTARD!
Q: When my toast tells me it will
kill me, and rips up all the invitations to my birthday party, it sure
seems like Heero to me. Isn't it Heero?
A: No. It just hates you. You're
probably an ugly troll!
Q: I caught my toast trying to wear
my bra!! ITS HEERO!
A: No, it's perverted. Moron.
Q: My toast comes from Japan and
once, when I dropped it on the floor, it bounced. Heero?
A: Maybe...I'll have to further
research this case.
[more
questions *sent in by you!*]
[warning:
some questions might contatin yaoi and/or non-yaoi content. remember, these
were sent in by YOU!]
OK, SO
MY TOAST IS NOT HEERO...
What if someone tries to tell me
he is?
Ok, this is tough. First, slowly
list the reasons why Heero is not toast, then show this person pictures
to prove it. If this doesn't work, kill them and its all better. If they
refuse to die [like Heero], ignore them and/or torture them until they
admit Heero is not toast. If they won't admit he is not toast, lock them
in a box and throw it to the sharks.
~Ki Sakura's
Toasty Expirements~
In an attempt to either proove or
disproove your theory, I have spent several days in testing.
Day 1: Death, Part 1
Enter, Toast. First, we took
Toast into the back yard, super-glued it to a Wing Gundam model, then lit
fire crackers under the model. The model blew up, and yet, Toast
came through intact. Our next stop was by the shooting range where
we repeatedly shot at Toast. While recieving several bullet holes,
Toast did not die. We then proceeded to the hospital and threw Toast
out the window of the top floor. By the time we reached ground, we
found Toast laying in the parking lot, scorched, with bullet holes, and
now run over as well. However, Toast was not dead. The next
stop was back home where Toast was placed in a ziplock bag which was hooked
up to a vaccum cleaner and all air removed. Toast was unharmed, prooving
that Toast can survive in total vaccum just like Heero did in the Gundam
Wing: Ground Zero. The final stop was to the back yard where we threw Toast
into the pool.
[Yamato Says; This would all be
very nice if TOAST WAS ALIVE IN THE FIRST PLACE!]
Day 2: Death, Part 2
After floating lime-jelly side down
in the pool overnight, Toast was not dead. However, Toast was horribly
soaked, thus, testing was postponed for the day to allow Toast to dry.
[Yamato Says; As if Heero takes
a day to dry off.]
Day 3: Abilities
We placed Toast on a keyboard and
initiated a Quake III deathmatch today with a Wing Gundam player model.
Toast layed on the 'fire' button, thus shooting at people in a Mobile Suit
that flaps. When Toast was moved on the keyboard to make certain
it was not a fluke, Toast then layed on the run and jump keys. The
Wing Gundam jumped off into a cliff and the Deathmatch was lost.
However, Toast itself did not die. We also set Toast on a piece of
aluminum foil, which crinkled underneath Toast, thus becoming bent.
Doctor Isabelle J arrived from the hospital today to question why we were
throwing toast out of a window, and after being paid $50, agreed to give
our toast a
checkup. Toast now has a doctor
with a letter.
[Yamato Says; Cheaters! I'd like
to see toast doing this without people moving him!
Isabelle? Women doctors don't count.]
Day 4: Friends
Today we took Toast to an anime
convention. Several people wished to have their photos made with
Toast, including Duo Maxwell, Chang Wufei, Quatre Winner, and Trowa Barton...
something about a 'Cosplay Site Weirdest Photo Award'. In light of
the attention Toast recieved, we assume that Toast does have friends.
[Yamato Says; Hey! So everyone who
took photos with me at cons are now my friends? I don't think so!]
Day 5: Clothes
On day five, we notice a change
in Toast. Since testing began, it has grown brown Heero-Hair-like
fuzzies on one side, and the green jelly has soaked in, giving it a greenish
color in the middle. In adition, oil dripped on it in the parking
lot on Day 3 and put a black stain on it. We observed Toast for several
hours, but it was never once seen taking a
shower.
[Yamato Says; It's called mold,
mildew, rot, and of course it won't take a shower unless you PUT it there.]
Draw your own conclusions.
[HEERO IS NOT TOAST!]
...[sigh] I thought the point was that I am NOT toast...
heero and the other gundam wing stuff here aren't MINE, dammit. they're [c] someone else. toast is also not mine. ><. moron.
but the art and the layout ARE mine. all mine. no takee. no takee and all will be toastee.