Heero is not Toast [& Other Gundam Wing Facts]

and here are the stories of their success...
[please note, i do not put every email i get up here, in fact i rarely do, due to the fact that i receive many emails a day regarding this site and can't update THAT often without dying and having no life...i will put up stories and art, or anything else VERY original, though. watch out, or your praise will mysteriously appear here... =D]

"Well, when I thought Heero was toast, my life was just a mess. I mean, if Heero was toast, then how could he fly, and eat, and how could he kill people, it he had no hands? But I refused to belive that Heero couldn't be toast! All the facts pointed to him BEING toast! I lived in fear that one day, the real toast Heero would rise out of the bread box and kill me as revenge from all the cousins and koppi toast Heero's I ate. The bread industry suffered as I didn't eat bread, or bread by products. But then, I learned that reasons why toast wasn't Heero. And i COULD EAT BREAD! Soon the industry recovered and now I may eat toast without fear!" ~ Lin

"But I never thought Heero was toast..." ~ Syrup
[Yamato's Comment: smart girl!! VERY smart!]

"Toast tastes good. I thought Hiro was toast. I tried to eat him once--he got really mad! Then I came here, and learned--truly!--that Hiro Yuy is NOT toast. Thank god. Now I will never again have Hiro get mad at me for trying to eat him." ~ Checkers

"...I don't even like toast. I like eggs. Is Heero an egg?" ~ Kiwi
[Yamato's Comment: yes. but he is not toast.]

"DUO IS NOT A COOKIE! XD" ~ RocketMew
[Yamato's Comment: indeed. as long as heero is not toast.]

"Well Yama...I don't know what to say, it's um, Toast." ~ Rocket Blue
[Yamato's Comment: Surely you don't mean Heero? ><.]

Team Pidgeot was so moved by this site that she drew us a present.
[big sniffle] I'm just happy we can change the lives of those in need...all the heeroistoast morons of the world will someday bow to your picture, my friend...I...I need a moment. [turns to the corner and cries]

Aisha CatGirl discovered this ancient folktale about the horrors of Heero if he was in fact toast!
[in other words, read this short fanfiction she wrote for us ^^.]

"Oh yes I love your torture Relena game DIE RELENA DIE!" ~ Elyese Dorean
[Yamato's Comment: Smart girl...]

RedRosesKT was so happy with her conversion she IMed me and let me know all about it! Read...

"Your site is ...crazy, but great FUN! I looove Trowa the Emoticon and Underpants...The artwork ...I really like it!!! I tried to like Relena, but you just can't eat her. She's INEDIBLE. (Does this mean she's not toast or just that it's gone baad?)" ~ Umechan
[Yamato's Comment: Everyone loves Trowa the Emoticon =D and Relena went bad LONG ago. Ever seen her baby picture?! Can you say ROTTING?!]

"Why would anyone think Heero is toast? Fools." ~ David
[Yamato's Comment: YAY!]

"I'm am a fellow relena hater too! I absoluetly hate that snott nose, non-sense talking bitch face, non-stopping talking, RELENA~!!! I'm so glad someone made a site totally dedicated to destroying the skipsifrinanic relena! It has everything! Even my favorite TORURE relena!" ~ Zimang
[Yamato's Comment: Let's all just kill her lots! =D Makes me happy, if no one else...=D]

K-chan sent us this lovely little IM conversation!
K-chan says:*quote quote*
Q: I caught my toast trying to wear my bra!! ITS HEERO!
A: No, it's perverted. Moron.
K-chan says:
*blink* My toast did that once
K-chan says:
Turned out it was Duo
Infra-black says:
*cracks up laughing*
K-chan says:
*nods*
Infra-black says:
...
Infra-black says:
*dies*
.......That is my testimony. I am a beeleever! Heero is NOT toast!
[Yamato's Comment: I couldn't have said it better myself =D]

"the kill relena game is cool, but I played it once and I'm goign the party!" ~ Mike
[Yamato's Comment: What?! u.u;;?! Weirdo...please note, this person also asked for the non-censored Relena porn pik that is found in other... ewwww...x.x; shoot me.]

"I would like to take this time to sincerely thank you for the *Relena Torture Game*! I was surprised and delighted to stumble across such a genius and sick game! It makes me happy that I not only killed her multiple times in a 45 minute period of time, but that I'm not the only person sick enough to want to! I know you must think I'm odd and whatnot for e-mailing you about this, but I found that whole idea amusing and very time consuming. So, in closing, this Relena-phobe is just here to say how wicked-awesome your site, especially the *Relena Torture Game* are. Like the title says, Thank You Sooooo MUCH!!!" ~bronzebunni
[Yamato's Comment: This person is smart...=D!!!!]

"Ummm....... I just wanted to say THANK YOU for making a site where you can kill relena!!!!! That bitch!!!!! \_/ WHen are ya gonna update?" ~ Rebekah
[Yamato's Comment: Persitant, aren't we? o_o.;]

"Heero is yummy and so is toast ^_^" ~ Sasami
[Yamato's Comment: I never imagined a Jurain princess to say such things n . n]

"relena is just stupid either way. Can't argue with that. Die bitch. (I'm talking to her. Please don't YOU die. I like your website.)" ~ Amanda
[Yamato's Comment: Good, because i was worried for a minute x.x;]
She also had this to say:
"Sorry, I KNOW you don't care, but I just remembered my own main argument for hating Relena!!
"You're my real mother! You'll always be my mother!!"
Umm... do we ever SEE Mrs. Darlian after that? Or perhaps her "daughter" is too busy thinking about her dead fathers (real and adopted), talking to the older brother she just learned existed, and obsessing over some random kidwho wants to literally kill her, to stay with that real mother who is sitting and waiting for her? HM. Makes you think. What a bitch."
[Yamato's other Commet: Indeed ^_^.]

"Oh my! I luv your site, (and have never believed Heero to be toast) My favorite method of killing the evil Relana is using the wonderful Duo and his scythe ^_^ **I am also a full believe that scythes CAN accidently be thrown into someones skull **heehee**" ~ Fiore No Miko
[Yamato's Comment: ROCK ON! XD]

can i have a copy of the relena porn only uncensored? if you send me a copy of that i can probably find duo porn for you ~ Bobby
[Yamato's Comment: Duo porn is entertaining; i should know, i've got enough of it. thank you, come again!]
[PS: EWWWWWWWWWWWW ><.]

"In the kill relena game, where Heero pushs Relena offthe cliff, you could have had her be run over by a bus or the bigfoot monster truck. Plus what would you think Relena would do if she came back from the dead? *sees something about DUO IS NOT A COOKIE. Well if my brother Duo WAS a cookie, I would know. * Anyway, do you plan on making a 2nd version of Duo killing relena? If you do, I'll be the first visitor to play
it." ~ Mike Maxwell
[Yamato's Comment: If Relena came back from the dead you'd just have to play the torture game again. o_o.]

"Well, uh, I didn't belive my toast was Heero until I saw it wearing black
spandex, a green tank top holding a gun to Relena Peacecraft's head
threatening it will kill her, but never actually doing it. Oh yeah, I saw it
screwing Duo once... well, more than once." - Stopwatch Miki
[Yamato's Comment: Good for you? O_o.?]

"Heero is not toast, but a pyromaniac monkey.
........think about it." ~ Wyvern
[Yamato's Comment: dood...]

"In the tourture Relena thing, if you pretend you like her, rip up the invite,
bring Heero out to rip up the letter more, then drop a big rock on her, you
get Heero too. then he DIES! You said he doesnt die, yet he does on your own
page! That also Increases the chance of Heero being toast because there are
less resons he is not toast!" ~ Khamahamahah
[Yamato's Comment: ><. no. you're stupid. you're wrong. he doesn't die. it's the RELENA torture game and he does not die. heero ran away before that rock fell. and stuff. O_o. so there ;_;. i win!]

"I love you!!!
*GLOMP*
Let me link you let me link you!! Onegai>?!?!!?
I LOVE THE RELENA TORTURE GAME!! It"S PURE GENIUS I'M GONNA SET BANNERS OF YOUR SITE EVERYWHERE!!!!
And the Heero is not a tost part it's hilarious!
Thank God to the person who gave me your link!!!
Love ya!!!" ~ Neko-chan
[Yamato's Comment: you love me? ...really? ...wanna see a movie or something later? ...[shuffles feet and looks at the ground, blushing]]

"Hello,
Your site has help me so much! I thought hiiro was toast ever since I first saw him! Now I realize or...I think I realize that he's not toast! The bitter truth is that...He's a towel!! Yes! Hiiro's a Towel! I realized this when I was talking a block of wood this weekend! It was very strange indeed! But towels have many uses just like hiiro! They can save you just like hiiro can! Ford Perfect and Author Dent told me so! They also told me that in fact a towel could pilot WingZero! Technology today!" ~ AishaCatGirl
[Yamato's Comment: YOU LIE ;_;.]

"In the torture game of Relena Peacecraft, Duo says that he had never met his mother, but in the anime, he says that his mother told him he shouldn't cry, so he had to have met her to remember she said that." ~ Neko-chan
[Yamato's Comment: I agree, but really, he must have been so small when he last saw her that i doubt he'd remember her at all. the honest truth is, we don't really know, so...i just assume he doesn't remember her. o_o.]

"I wish to thank you for dedicating yourself to spreading the truth of Heero's Non-Toastliness. I, like so many other poor misguided souls, have been known to confuse the two. I have often wondered why Heero didn't fit into the toaster and pointed guns at me whenever I tried to put jam on him... I see the light now!
....On another note, I adore your Relena Torture Game. I always wanted to drop a large boulder on her, yaay! Now all I have left to do is tie her to four wild horses and send them in different directions; get her run over by stampeding elephants; cook her over a slow fire; rip out her tongue and let her bleed to death; throw her to a group of rabid 1x2 fans; chop off her head, put it on a long stick, and use it to scare little kids; and tie her to a chair and make her listen to bad 60's protest songs.
....Heero's not an egg. If an egg falls from large heights, it leaves behind a big eggy puddle. Last time I checked, Heero doesn't." ~ Miria-chan
[Yamato's Comment: ...you think like me. O_O. [licks those ideas and eats them up] =D]

"I hate realena and dropping big boulders on her is tons of fun......" ~ Trenton Bloom
[Yamato's Comment: =D!!]

"I love your site! I am DELIGHTED to see that I'm not the only one who thinks Relena should die for the sake of our pleasure. Do Hilde, then I'd be rolling on the floor in demented laughter. Ah the thoughts of killing Hilde many times over and over again...." ~ krazylady
[Yamato's Comment: poor hilde O_O.]

"Thank you for clearing up the monumental question of whether Heero is or is
not in fact toast. I have been trying to convince a frind of mine for a while
and she is now converted... thanx to your website... thank you. Plus the
Relena torchure game is the best!! I hope Relena dies many many painful
deaths ^_~" ~ Lisa
[Yamato's Comment: hurray for the converted!!! ^__^.]

"I do not like Re-re-relena! (ew!) because she is not a hip... hip-hop... hiphopipotomous.... or whatever." ~ Hayley
[Yamato's Comment: O_o. i agree?]

"Ah...you own Heero is Not Toast, right? Well hello there! My name is Ruori, glad ta meetcha! I never thought Heero was toast, but if I did I'm sure your site would convince me otherwise! I ADORE Heero(I also think he's not toast!), and I hate Relena, so I find your website a work of art! I've done your Relena torture game several times, and I find it enjoying and amusing every time! I'm not afraid to admit that I mostly hate Relena because I'm jealous >.<! She thinks she can have Heero just because she's all rich and crap, well nu uh! 1xR does NOT work! 1x2? OH YEAH! Duo's kick ass! I'm not jealous of him because I know I can't compete with the almighty Shinigami, but if Heero ever chose that bitch Peacecraft or Dorlian or WHATEVER her real name is, then I'll most likely have a coronary and die! If so happens, will you please tell them to carve on my stone "Once lived a girl whom was obsessed with Heero Yuy... and died because a damn bitch finally got him"? I doubt it'll ever happen but... ::Chibi eyes:: Please? Just in case? By the way... I saw a piece of toast wearing Heero's clothes and a wig that looked like his hair running amoc in the streets with a 9mm... I'm still convinced Heero is not toast, so... could you help me figure out what this is? It might be a Heero impersonator, I dunno... ::peeks outside:: it's still running around out there... the other day it said "Omae o korosu" to me but ran off when I got out the butter and jam, so I know it's not Heero... nothing scares Heero... well... maybe Relena x.x; But that's a different story, ne?
P.S. If Relena is toast... then I'm going to stop
eating it, in fear that one day I might
swallow the bi-yotch" ~ Ruori
[Yamato's Comment: o_o.]

"This site is greaaaattt, but I almost got caught by my parents when I was playing the torture game...man, am I the only one who finds it addictive? Wahahaha, die relena, diiiieeeeeeeee!!!! Oh yeah, thanx 4 clearing up that Heero isn't toast...I had a dream that Wufei was an acorn once...do you hate any other characters?" - Hangmin
[Yamato's Comment: wufei is an acorn? hm...other characters i hate...uh...i hate quinze x_x.; what a freak...and tuberov...and uh...alex and mueller, EW! how ugly...
"why...is he so mean to all the ugly people?" - nuriko.
i dunno, nuriko. and i am a girl. was just quoting, sorry... o_o.]

"Heero CAN'T be toast!!!! > . < Toast can't run, toast can't jump. Toast has
no body parts- so toast can't pilot a Gundam. Heero can do all of the above,
therefore, Heero is NOT toast!!!!
P.S.----RELENA MUST DIE!!!!!" ~ Liz
[Yamato's Comment: hai? =D]

"Ya know, I just wanted to thank you for putting up this *sniff*
inspiring page. *another sniff* I once tried to stuff Heero into a
toaster. The results? A black eye and a broken toaster. Then, I
stumbles upon this site and a rality hit me. Heero is NOT toast! I have
learned now...*sigh* Oh yeah! And Relena IS toast, just very burnt,
nasty, disgusting looking toast! *happy nod*" ~ Mina
[Yamato's Comment: ;_;. that's so happy!!]

"I have come to a important discicion...I don' think Heero is toast, I think he is BACON!!!!!!!!!" ~ Swirly Rose
[Yamato's Comment: What is it with you people and bacon...]

"I just have to say that you are a god...well seim god.Your site is so
funny.I have finally found some one that hates Relena Bitchcraft as much
as I do.Your torture game was funny as all hell.*gets on hands and knees
and bows*"
[Yamato's Comment: o_o.]

"okey you made a comment on how relena whats to get in heeros pants but its never ganna happen. be for i contine i just wanna say i hate relena peacecraft with exreme and undieing passion and have bben going to your site for a rwlly long time now. and i have proff atht relena got in heeros pants!!! i know you dont wanna she relena bitch flasing people,and you might have comeby this picture be for ebut here it is anyway...[insert a pik, probably the one of heero and relena naked. it was broken...] *dont hurt me*" ~ Annon.
[Yamato's Comment: *rotflmao* XD are all 1xR people bad spellers or are you just a mistake?! XDXDXD]

"I love your page, but heero does dress up as toast. I had breakfast the otherday, and heer yelled at me. I was sad, later brother ate him and he had indigestion for 2 days, then it took 2 hrs, but heero is still alive, just not very happy, but very stinky." ~ Seastrom
[Yamato's Comment: O_O. WTF! thats sick. @_@. *dies*]

A short fic by The Evil Typo Demon!
Hello.. I have a story I wish to tell you.
Once, long ago, there was a peice of toast (that wasn't Heero) that
pretended to be Prince Heero, of the Non-Toast Kingdom.Prince Heero, of the
Non-Toast Colony, walked to the toast and ate the imposter toast all up.
Bye-Bye Imposter Toast. Prince Heero wasn't toast, he was, infact an orange
that shot Miss. Relena, of the Stupy-Poopy-Head Kingdom, in the foot. >)
The Moral of the Story? 1: Don't Impersonate Prince Heero, the Orange But
Not Toast, other wise He'll eat you like the Toast you are!! 2: If you are
Relena the Stupid, please hold still while I shoot your other foot *boom*
Relena> *Squeal* >_<
me> Moveing on! The last and most important moral, Heero Isn't toast but an
orange.
Thank you for your time.
~The Evil Typo Demon
[ XDXDXD ]

"This is a pointless and stupid email, you don't have to read it, but I just though I'd say that I absolutely love you Heero is not toast website. It's hilarious, and everytime I go check it out, and look at the new updated stuff I can't help but laugh out loud. I just wanted to say thanks for making such an amusing site. I love the Relena torture game, and the Heero VS. Toast thing, and everything. Plus the little chibi character drawings are adorable. Alright, I'm done wasting your time, that's my two cents." ~ Tasia
[Yamato's Comment: ;_;. that makes me feel fuzzy inside...]

"I never thought Heero was toast, but Relena is REAL TOAST! SO FAT, YELLOW AND %$&#ING UGLY!" ~ Bass the Fish!
[Yamato's Comment: ROCK ON!!!!!!!! XD]

"you haft2 make a pic of Hee-chan NAKED!!!!!!that whod be sooooo COOL!!!!!how-a-bowt you make a pic of heero's Ass!Please!!!!!"
and- "SHOW THE NONE SENSERD PIC OF (THE RELENA PORN)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NOW!!!!!!!or atlest tell me where you got it...........please!" ~ Glenn.
[i don't even need to comment. that's hilarious and sickening in itself XD]

"Its horribly sad, isnt it. I was depressed for most of my life after I ate a peice of toast, and then found out it was supposedly Heero. I couldnt sleep. I couldnt eat. All I could do was look on the net for pictures and shrines to Heero. i would sit there apologizing to them... everyone thought I was insane. The day before mom was going to send me to an asylum, I found your website. it changed my life. I read the facts repeatedly, for at first, I didnt believe it. But I discovered there was no flaw in your logic! And I was saved! Because I hadnt eaten Heero, and also, I discovered Heero cant die! I became overjoyed, and, from that day on, I have been... well, um, I... I dont think Heero is toast anymore ^^;;; It is embarassing now to think that I ever beliefved he was toast. i know now he isnt. You have my eternal thanks, Yamato! *Runs off crying, because it is so beautiful, the
way Yamato's site touched her life*" ~ Nyara Nyasuu
[Yamato's Comment: ...WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THAT'S SO SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!! *big glomp* ;_;.]

"Heero is not toast...he is, however, Campbell's soup cus he's Mmmmmmm Mmmm good, just like Capmbell's...n.n" ~ Cary (Cory) Onn (Ann) Harper/Yuy n.n n.n
[Yamato's Comment: And he's mmm mmmmm better than homemade chicken noodle!]

"Heero is not toast. Duo is not an airhead!!!! That's what SDDI (society of defence against duo's intelligence) is there for!!!!! Duo can think. Duo is smart. Duo loves Heero. Duo thinks Heero is not toast. Duo is da best. ^_^ Wellies.... make more relena tortures!!! ^_^ We all love yaoi ^_^" ~ Kazekage
[Yamato's Comment: i think wellies is now my favourite word.]

"Hi Yammy!! Thankyou very much for replying to the entry I put in you guestbook!! I didn't think you would reply! My friend Mark is really jealous because you ignored his entry and replied to me!! hehe! He's sitting next to me now and stabbing me! Argh! Wow!! Thank you so much for the really cute chibi Quatre and Trowa!! I showed Mark and he went bright red! Can I ask you a question?? What does Heero is not toast mean?? I think your site is really great but what is with the toast thing?? Well, I gotta go before I freak you out even more!! Sorry for not replying as soon as I got your e-mail! I was very busy! Byebye!!" ~ Rachel x
[Yamato's Comment: Don't you just hate it when I don't reply to your guestbook entries... ^_~.]

"Okay, you don't know me, but that's not important! What IS important is... THAT I LOVE YOUR SITE! yes, I LOVE your site! I love to look at the cute little chibis on each page! I love GWMAMO! *squeals and huggles* I mean, your site is more crazy than my friends's dreams, like Kitty's when Heero turned into an elf or something or Zee's when she called Trowa Dib and stuff... Aaaanyway, I also wanted to thank you for making this site so that feeble little minds like mine could learn the truth of Heero! He is NOT toast! He's not! I don't know WHAT he is (besides bishounen *^^*) but at least I now know he's not toast! Oh, well, looks like I'll have to tie him up again so Kitty and I can experiment... I wrote a really short little thing using my girl characters from one of my stories and they tried to find out if Heero was toast or not (thanks for the inspiration, I needed to write something nuts). OK, OK, I've bored you enough, O Great One. ^_^ But before I go I wanted to give you something for your Underpants Anonymous (just in case you might not have it).
Quatre: Now I get it! UNDERPANTS are the heart of outer space!
Kenji always makes Quatre say that quote (the normal one) at the end of his stories. O.o;; OK. Yup. I'm done. *huggles* Thanks for the funniest site ever, Yama-chan! Ja matta ne!" ~ D-chan

"Trowa/Nanashi/Triton/Whateverhedecideshisnameistoday is bacon. The real Trowa Barton is Latin, but the living Trowa is Canadian. (^_^) And Bacon is Canadian.
Following this reasoning, all GW-boys should have some connection to food, if not being food themselves.
You have already stated that Heero is an egg. I won't argue any further. Duo is a turkey. Both literally and metaphorically speaking. And the Turkey was proposed to be the symbol of America before they decided on the eagle. (^_^) (I may be a Canuk, but I at least know about my neighbors :::thinly veiled insult:::) Trowa is Bacon, as was previously stated. Quatre is Peach Iced Tea. If you don't know what Peach Iced Tea is, you are obviously American, and don't even know what Iced Tea is is. Anyho, PEACH ICED TEA IS CRACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It makes you go insane and do wierd things, like standing on a chair and doing a strip-tease at your anime club. (You didn't read that (^_~)) The same results can be acheived after reading super-kawaii Quatre fics. Therefore, Quatre is Peach Iced Tea. Wufei is.................... aa.......................... I don't know what he is. I'll say he's celery, just because I'm thinking about celery right now. Relena is those stupid pink pop-tarts that give you indigestion after one dose. Ironically, you have to drink more pink stuff to take the pain away. (:::Refering to Pepto-Bismol::: Umm.............. yeah. See, I know this stuff. Don't hurt me, eh! They say that only the good die young. If that works in reverse, I'm immortal." ~ Meika

"Your "Heero is not Toast" Website is one of the most disturbing and hilarious sites I've seen in a long time. And despite the fact Relena is one of my favourite characters (please don't hit me) the jokes you make at her expense are also very funny. The made-a-mockery-of section is rather whacked, but the one-liners are awesome.
Thanks again for brightening up my day!"~Wing Sister-Ailia

"DO NOT CALL ME WOOFY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you." ~ Wufei Chang
[Yamato's Comment: O_O. okay.]

"Awww Those Chibis are soooooooo cute ^_^ When I finish my bish'onen site, This is the first place to go! I loooove Heero, AND TOAST! But you've made it clear to me, Heero is NOT TOAST! But you wanna know a secret >.> <.< *whispers* Quatre is not a waffle. Also Wufei is not eggs...and Duo is not cereal...EVER! HeeHee ^_^ I looove Torturing Relena on your site too ^_^ FUN IT IS!" ~ Kristi

"I would just like to coment that you are nothing short of a genuies. I have just spent the third hour gleefully watching relena die. It warms my heart every time. I find it amazing how such a simple, (and yet malevolent) concept can be so entertaining. So I would just to thank you for being as thoughtful as you are, to all of those who despise that suicidal blonde." ~ Tori

up to the top

heero and the other gundam wing stuff here aren't MINE, dammit. they're [c] someone else. toast is also not mine. ><. moron.
but the art and the layout ARE mine. all mine. no takee. no takee and all will be toastee.